Life Values Discovery
Building your life that is in alignment with your values starts with one central question – why?
Our goals in life, our career, and the things we wish for our family all go back to this single word. Values are an enduring belief system in the way we live, act, and make decisions in our daily lives. Values can be tied to emotional connections – whether we view an issue, event, or action positively or negatively. Values explain your highest priorities. They act as the guiding principles that help bring a deep sense of purpose, fulfillment, and joy to your life.
Most importantly, values explain your WHY.
Last night I decided to try out a values exercise with my family.
With ice cream in one hand and a printed sheet of values for each of my daughters, age 9 and 11, my husband, and I in the other, we took our first pass at the list. And a few surprises were in store.
Not only did it help us see each other more clearly, but personalities shined through in each person’s individualized list. The ancillary bonus for kids of this age is that it also turned into a great vocabulary builder!
My youngest daughter, the wild and social one of the bunch, picked words like adventure, daring, creativity, playfulness, power, friendships, freedom, fun, sociability, excitement, teamwork, humor, learning, passion, and risk-taking.
The oldest, who is a hard-working dedicated gymnast and very meticulous, picked words like bravery, cautious, loyalty, family, friendships, organization, safety, health, responsibility, success, toughness, preparedness, peace, reliability, freedom, kindness, joy, intelligence, and fun.
The words they selected seem to describe themselves. We talked about why certain words were chosen, how they related to their lives, and how they would like to live more in line with each one. Then we compared how many words overlapped with another family member. Our list was then narrowed down into seven categories and we wanted to make sure each family member felt represented by the words in our family values list.
1. Family and Friendships
2. Honesty
3. Health and Well-being
4. Success and Freedom
5. Fun
WHY IS IT IMPORTANT TO DETERMINE MY VALUES?
Values influence everything you do. It affects your decisions, your goals, your ambitions, your family, and your career, and drives your financial behaviors. When your values are out of alignment, it can impact the stress and joy you feel in life. Making decisions that align with your values enhances your feeling of security and can lead to increased success. Looking at your financial decisions through a lens of your personal values, can provide clarity to the decision-making process and increase your confidence that you are doing the right thing. Values create intentional decisions based on what matters most to you and help you avoid making decisions based on impulse, fear, pride, greed, regret, and other influencers.
TYPES OF VALUES:
Instrumental values relate to the characteristics in which we act or behave: kindness, honesty, and responsibility, for example. They explain how you wish to live your life.
Terminal values describe an end state in which we wish to achieve: family togetherness, health and wellness, and financial security, for instance. They explain what is most important to you.
Below you will find the details of getting started on your own life values discovery with a link here that will provide you with the workbook we used and a list of values to do this exercise on your own or with your family. If a tactile approach works best for you or your group, print out the values list page so you can line through and circle as you narrow down what you value most.
HOW DO I DETERMINE MY CORE VALUES?
First, take a look at the list provided and write down those that resonate with you the most. There is no limit to the number you should select in your first pass through the list, but try to narrow it down to less than half, then to 10, and then to your top five.
You may also find that grouping similar words together in categories helps you articulate which value stands out as representing the overarching value in the group. If another comes to mind that isn’t on this list, feel free to add it.
It would also be very beneficial to walk through this exercise with your partner (and children). It will help the family communicate important beliefs, and when decisions need to be made, how it aligns with the family’s collective values.
MAKE YOUR VALUES ACTIONABLE
Once you have a list of your top five values, add a verb or phrase to each one to make it actionable. As an example, your actions could be “show gratitude,” “receive love,” “think optimistically,” “build healthy habits,” “cherish family togetherness,” and so on. Then write them in the order of importance to you.
ALIGNING VALUES WITH LIFESTYLE
Next, list the ways you currently live out each of the core values. Do you love to travel? List the ways that you make time for travel in your life and be specific as to the places you have been.
Then notate lifestyle habits and characteristics that are not in alignment with your values or prevent you from achieving them in the way you desire. How would you score your current effort toward living in alignment with each value on a scale of 1 to 10?
Finally, look for new behaviors, habits, routines, or actions that would put you in better alignment with your values. Focus your efforts where you feel the largest gap in alignment. How can you be more: social, support your community, improve your financial security, etc? As you set your goals, consider how each goal can be aligned with your values as you work toward accomplishing them.
There are multiple ways to align your values to achieve any goal. For example, if the goal is to eat healthier, action steps that could enhance this progress could be as simple as meal prep at home, buying fresher ingredients, or dining out at restaurants less. Alternatively, actions could be as expensive as hiring a private chef. The same could apply to travel, to fitness, and to giving back – there will be a range of solutions that can help bring the value and goal in alignment. Choose what makes sense in your lifestyle, but also for your financial situation.
After my family and I completed our exercise, the surprising word that was missing from everyone’s list was travel. Not one of us ranked the word as a top 10 value. Through some reflection and discussion, we found that travel was included more broadly in other categories in the way we value learning or fun as a family.
When you think about your core values, what words do you live by? What words do you live by as a family?
Each of us will have a different list and lens of how we view important decisions in our life. Understanding how our values align with our decisions can increase our confidence in the choices we make, reduce stress, and lead to a better feeling of financial success. With many decisions having an impact on our personal finances, values-based decisions allow us to ensure that we are living with intention. It gives us the power to design our best life.
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Cassandra Smalley, CFA, CFP® is a fee-only financial advisor for women located in St. Petersburg, FL, and works virtually with small business owners, moms, and families across the country.
